Exploring Something New - Ballet Class🩰

I recently went to a ballet class, an absolute beginner ballet class actually. Throughout my years of being a young adult, even in my teen years, I was told how I looked like a ballerina. When I told people I danced, they asked if I did contemporary or ballet, never hip-hop, which is what I mainly dance to. My grandma tells me all the time that she wishes I did ballet when I was younger, and my parents have mentioned I almost did. Why I didn't? I truly do not know. I regret that all the time, though I was a child and didn't have much of a say. I sit and think about what could have been often. I imagine my life in a city like New York, going to school, travelling, and performing on stages. Recently, I have tried to remind myself that I did not have control over that many years ago. If I want to do something now, I am able to on my own. Sure, I feel disappointed that my parents did not put me in any classes for anything, but that is truly another story for another day. Now, I cannot waste my days by being upset with them over that. Instead, I can pave my path on my own.

I have decided to not mope around, and try the things I've wanted to, things my younger self is screaming at me to do. One of those things, was a ballet class. I saw the Nutcracker earlier this month, and I believe this is what truly inspired me to finally book the class. I did some research, found a class, bought some ballet shoes, and waited for the weekend to come. I could hardly sleep the night before, and I had to get up pretty early to make it there by 9:00AM since I live further away.

I felt like a real ballet student, I have no other way to describe it. I started to imagine myself as a regular student, living out a fantasy in my head when I walked into the building to check myself in. I walked into the studio room, barres on my left, and a long wall with a mirror on my right. In front of me were huge windows with large curtains that the teacher pulled shut when class started. I knew I was in the right place, but I felt so out of place at the same time. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing. They wore cute and proper clothing, everyone had ballet shoes, and they were already stretching. I had ballet shoes too, thank God I got them, because I wasn't sure if I would use those or just socks. I knew to stretch before, but it was something about the atmosphere, about the way people carried themselves. They all seemed like the real deal, and as if this was second nature. Of course some of these people had already taken a few classes, but still, I felt I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I felt a bit shy and intimidated. I put my things down and took off my shoes and began to stretch, looking around the room at everyone else. I copied some of their stretches, while also trying to find a friendly face to ask if I was in the right class. I was afraid it would start and they would start doing crazy moves I hadn't heard of. Right before it started, I asked a girl if this was the beginner class, and she confirmed it was the absolute beginner class. I let out a sigh of relief, getting rid of all of my nerves and self-doubt so I could allow myself to learn and have fun.

I didn't expect us to get right into it though. We got into four lines and began to practice positions and moves. I will tell you, ballet is not easy at all. Dancers make it look so easy, so graceful, and effortless. They don't show how difficult it can really be, and I admire that so much. I was sweating and sore by the end of the class, but my adrenaline was pumping, and I am so excited to go back.

To end this, I'll say, start saying yes to yourself, particularly your younger self. Maybe you didn't get those opportunities in the past, or you weren't able to explore a part of you that was calling out. Now, it's the time to do so. Don't sweat it, just do it. I find myself overthinking a lot, thinking I won't be good at something, wondering if I am wasting my time, thinking I won't have the money to do it, but it always turns out alright. I'm hoping I take these things I am learning and actually go somewhere with them in the future, but for now, I am exploring and finding myself and my passions. Next, I'm going to be learning guitar, and maybe I'll take a lesson on that as well!

I will let you know how my next class goes! Or if I try something new :)

- With love, Ash <3