From Spiderling to Adult

I recently watched Spider-Man Brand New Day... twice, and I am going for a third time, and possibly a fourth and fifth. I'm an avid Marvel fan, growing up my grandmother introduced the MCU to me through Thor, and I fell in love. After, I returned home and began my intense MCU marathon. I cannot remember if Civil War had recently come out, or did shortly after, but I believe it was around that time.

Besides the point, when there's a new Marvel movie, I will be in that theater more than once. After getting pumped and fangirling over Tom, I sat back and really thought about the themes shared in this movie. Change being a prominent one. And change is difficult for anyone. I know it is especially for me as of late; especially after living the same secure life with my family for nineteen years before it was all flipped upside down. After that, I've been falling into big changes left and right, it just won't stop. I feel that I am constantly stumbling, and never finding my footing.

Change is uncomfortable, it can be sad, depressing, and all over a horrible experience. It takes you out of that usual comfort and security you once had and throws you into a dark forest full of wolves. At least that's how I feel.

Peter is now an adult, around his early 20s in BND. Your 20s are known for being a big, changing, and often exciting, part of your life. You're not a teenager anymore, you're out of high school, it's time to start figuring yourself out, finding out who you want to be, and what you want to do. But it's not that easy, at all. Especially with the world we are living in today. Add being a superhero who is experiencing headaches, finding yourself wrapped in spider webs outside your apartment with no clothes on, and everyone forgetting who you are. It sucks even more. Peter is going through immense change, not only with the people and the world around him, but within himself. He's becoming someone unfamiliar to his younger self, someone he doesn't want to become, someone who scares him. But what's so scary about it? As Spider-Man, he does seem to be acting out of character. Doing and saying things he normally wouldn't, putting the people he wants to protect in danger. But what if the reason this part of him is becoming so scary, is because he doesn't want to embrace it? He suppresses this new version of himself, which only makes things worse. Peter goes to speak to Dr. Banner, who is wearing an inhibitor to keep himself from becoming the Hulk. Peter inquires if there is a way to create an inhibitor that keeps some parts, while erases others. Peter says, remove the bad, but keep the good. Banner asks as they part, how would you determine what is good and what is bad? And how can you? Why do we think parts of ourselves are bad while others are good? Because they're different? Because it's unfamiliar? It's just that. As we grow and change, our thoughts, our bodies, our minds, our likes and dislikes all change. Just because they're different, doesn't mean they're bad. What's truly bad and scary, is when we try to hide those parts of ourselves, causing us to turn into a resentful monster. Which is what Peter is slowly becoming before he fully accepts it. He doesn't throw his old self away, he keeps it and embraces the new. When Jean tells him to pick, and asks who he is, Spider-Man, or Peter Parker, he says both. And then comes a super cool and amazing fight scene and he's super strong (can't wait to see that again). But honestly, I had chills, I was so amazed at his newfound abilities as well as proud that Peter didn't abandon who he was at his core while inviting his new self to that core.

Peter has also gone through a change with his friendships. After losing their memory of Peter Parker, Ned and MJ live their lives without him, and he without them. I know the loss of a friend, whether it was their choice, or my own, or neither of our choices. Sometimes people drift apart. It's not easy. It hurts more than the loss of a romantic partner. Well, in this case, Peter has lost both, a platonic and romantic relationship. He lives alone, hides behind his mask, and doesn't create personal relationships with anyone. He's afraid, like many of us, when we lose someone so important to us. We put up a wall in fear of lowering it and allowing someone to cross, only to experience that heartbreak all over again. Peter realizes that he can't live alone, he can't do this alone, he needs that relationship, even if it's not the same. And that makes it all the more beautiful. The same people, but a new and fresh friendship that and grow and prosper all over again. This happens in real life as well. We lose contact with someone, sometimes for the better, and you find yourselves back together years down the road. Those years have built you two into new people, who have learned lessons, and can apply that new knowledge in a new, rekindled friendship. We see how badly it effects Peter and Jean living life alone. Lifting the heavy weight of the world by themselves. Peter tells MJ that he's had the best time in a while just sitting in their living room hanging out and building a LEGO set with Ned. This reminded me of old times with my friends. Late nights, beach days, sleepovers, and buying unnecessary things because the other will make that irresponsible decision with you. It crushes you when you lose that connection. Then there's that one moment, that one particular hang out, that feels like old times, and it brings back all those memories, and you feel a warmth in your chest. That's when you realize, it's okay that things have changed. Things will change. But the friendship is stronger than ever when you come back together, even after that time and shift. Jean and Peter become friends, and Peter is slowly getting his old friends back.

Aunt May and Peter are right, you can't do this alone. We were put on this planet with others for a reason. To love, to listen, to communicate, to share. What are we without the love of others? An empty shell that will eventually turn to anger and hatred. I too have tried many times to do things on my own, to live a life of isolation; and I hate it, to put it simply. Being alone with yourself and being lonely are two different things, as many have already said. I love to be alone. I love going to the movies alone, taking a class alone, walking around town and shopping alone. But then that loneliness will creep up. Because sometimes I would like someone beside me; but I have pushed them all away, and try to keep my head high while the pressure of everything is crushing me.

Like Peter, we have grown up, another thing that we cannot run from. I was 14-years-old when Spider-Man: Homecoming came out, Peter was 15. It's as if we are growing up alongside him. Unfortunately, I don't have superpowers, but I have experienced loss, love, fear, anger, joy, and all the changes adulthood brings you. It's reassuring, comforting even, to know you're not in this alone. Whether it's someone living across the world from you, or your favorite fictional character.

Similar to Peter, there are a lot of things about me that I think are bad. I wish there were some inhibitor for me to stick to the back of my neck and get rid of those parts at times, but they make me me. All parts of myself help take me to the future me that is waiting with a proud smile.

I hope those of us who are experiencing change, loss, and confusion in life can learn something from Brand New Day. It's okay to step into something different. Like the title says, it's a brand new day. Every day is another opportunity to turn your life around. To accept the pains of yesterday, and continue with the promise of the new day. Loss is inevitable, and it's alright not to have it all figured out. We just have to keep swinging on through life, staying true to who we are, but allowing space for more. And you don't have to do it alone, even if your mind tells you you do, or that you're already lonely. No one is truly alone. We all have a Frank somewhere.

-Ash