The Lament & Beauty of Loneliness

Hello, my name is Ashley Nicole, if you don't know yet, and this is my blog, A Twenty Something's Rumination's. I want to welcome you and thank you for joining! I'll keep the introduction short, as you can learn about me on my "about me" page.

Today I wanted to discuss the beauty and lament of loneliness. I believe one of the reasons I wanted to start a blog was due to me being lonely and isolated more now than I ever have been. I don't particularly have friends that I talk to everyday and hang out with (I want to say, I am very grateful and appreciative of my family that are always there for me, and the casual friends I do have). But, I wanted a place where I could rant, review, blurt, and talk about whatever I wanted to talk about, and stop putting emphasis on needing a friend to do that with. Hopefully I can build a community, and others will join, and conversations will spark. For the meantime, I will enjoy my little corner and talk to whoever listens, and thank you if you do!

Despite this new journey, the loneliness still follows, it still haunts. If you're similar to me, an introvert who enjoys their alone time, it doesn't bother you much. Until it grows bigger, and begins to follow you constantly, looming over you like a dark cloud. You realize, maybe that was all a front. Perhaps you don't want to be alone, you do want friends to hang out with, to go to the movies with, to have sleepovers with. Once I realized that, I felt worse. I do want close friends, people I could be comfortable with, people I can be vulnerable with, and I don't have that at this time. I wonder if it's me, or maybe God is making me wait.

Just as there is lament, sadness, and even anger in feeling lonely, there is a beauty in it, as there is beauty in death. Being by yourself, doing what you enjoy on your time, can help you learn more about who you are. Perhaps I am in an isolated season so that I can learn who I am, so that I can depend on my relationship with God, so that I can appreciate what is around me, despite what I have lost, or what I do not have. And when you sit back, and look at the big picture, you will realize things are better this way. You will learn whatever was taken out of your life, was not meant to stay there.

Instead of feeling depressed when going to the movies alone, I will reminisce on the times I've gone with myself and enjoyed it. Whenever I feel down about shopping without someone by my side, I'll think about how much fun I had the last time. Of course this doesn't mean I will always feel this way, and I will always want friends to share things with, but I have to take a step back, and see the beauty in being alone.

End note💌:

Hopefully this first post wasn't too depressing, and hopefully not confusing. I was looking online to find ideas for my first blog post, and a lot of people said you first blog post will always be bad. I don't necessarily think this post is bad, or that everyone's will be bad, but writing will improve with time, and ideas will come along. By the hundredth post, it will be much better than the first. That's how it goes for anything! Practice makes you better, but never perfect. Nonetheless, whoever is reading this, I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you could relate in some sense.

- With love, Ash <3